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Gateway

Joined: 09/01/1996 Posts: 49069
Likes: 5470


Re: I know it is there


But I wonder if that causes more stress for her? I've known families that can't accept what is happening and so they try to "help" by constantly reminding their loved one of what is happening, who people are, trying to help them remember things...hoping that it will trigger something. And then sometimes that loved one acts out, even physically because of the added stress.

You know the love she has for you is still there...just let it be. Continue to love and care for her as best you can, not expecting anything in return.

When my almost 90 year old Mom had hip replacement surgery and she wasn't doing well, I tried to keep her going, being there, encouraging her at PT sessions while she struggled in terrible discomfort and exhaustion (now I know how that really feels!) and one day after running to the cafeteria, I brought her some peach flavored tea...and she drank some, made a face and told me..."E, you're trying too hard"...I asked.."what do you mean?" and she said it again..."you're trying too hard". I told her.."I'm not ready to give up on you"...she just rolled over and went to sleep. A few days later, she had some kind of internal bleed and they knew she wasn't going to recover, although they didn't tell us in so many words. That afternoon and early evening, I sat with her while she "slept" thanks to pain meds and I decided I would not impede her...if she was ready to go, then I would let her go. And that's what happened, very slowly. I called the family, they all came and we watched her take her last breath. But I had learned when it was time for me to stop trying too hard, thanks to her.

(In response to this post by buffdad)

Posted: 03/31/2016 at 1:42PM



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Current Thread:
 
  
Kindness -- Portland 03/30/2016 12:25PM
  So beautiful - made my day ** -- cswilliam 03/30/2016 11:31PM
  I cannot stop reading it -- cswilliam 03/30/2016 11:42PM
  I had a feeling you would love it. -- Portland 03/31/2016 3:46PM
  Another thought....... -- Galway 03/30/2016 10:01PM
  Re: Kindness -- DB 03/30/2016 3:53PM
  Compassion springs from pain ** -- cswilliam 03/30/2016 11:36PM
  And from love ** -- buffdad 03/31/2016 08:15AM
  Yes...... ** -- Gateway 03/30/2016 11:54PM
  Gate, this is today, a trip on the lake -- buffdad 03/30/2016 8:57PM
  Re: Gate, this is today, a trip on the lake -- Gateway 03/30/2016 11:42PM
  I know it is there -- buffdad 03/31/2016 07:54AM
  Re: I know it is there -- Gateway 03/31/2016 1:42PM
  I don't ask for it -- buffdad 03/31/2016 8:56PM
  Re: I don't ask for it -- Gateway 03/31/2016 11:10PM
  Thanks Gate. I was thinking about your comment -- buffdad 04/01/2016 12:24PM
  And there is no avoiding suffering. -- Portland 03/30/2016 4:49PM
  Yes, there is a way to not suffer -- buffdad 03/30/2016 5:43PM
  Re: Yes, there is a way to not suffer -- Gateway 03/30/2016 7:20PM
  Yes -- buffdad 03/30/2016 8:19PM
  Thank you bd. I know you get it. ** -- Gateway 03/30/2016 11:44PM
  You are one tough mother , God bless you ** ** -- knuckledragger 03/30/2016 7:34PM
  Thank you.... ** -- Gateway 03/30/2016 7:52PM
  Very true....being kind is like a lost art... ** -- Gateway 03/30/2016 3:36PM
  I'll give you a heartfelt plus... ** -- buffdad 03/30/2016 2:25PM
  I gave her a + for ya -- DB 03/30/2016 7:38PM
  Beautiful poem. Thank you ** -- Buffs4Ever 03/30/2016 2:19PM
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