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buffhooper

Joined: 06/05/2006 Posts: 2742
Likes: 1124


Nonsensical restaurant COVID protections (slightly humorous)


not original. Copy and paste from friends email;

1. Arrive at restaurant, fish three month old single-use surgical mask out of car's filthy cup holder (still slightly sticky from this morning's 84oz coke).
2. Strap up with three month old single-use surgical mask.
*MAGICAL ANTI-GERM BARRIER ENGAGE!!!*
3. Proceed into restaurant, opening door with same handle grabbed by 200 people so far today.
4. Hostess has immediate seating for your woke party of three. Walk past entire restaurant of unmasked people. It's ok, they're sitting.
5. Sit down.
*SEATED ANTI-GERM FORCEFIELD ENGAGE!!!*
6. Safely within your anti-germ forcefield, remove mask. Browse menu while making relaxed inhales of the same recirculated AC air previously inside the lungs of the 200 people that also grabbed the door handle.
7. Waitress drops off drinks bare handed.
8. Grab drink with your bare hand. Sip leisurely, secure in knowing you're within your anti-germ force field of seatedness.
9. Too many drinks. Need to pee. Don the magical anti-germ barrier mask as you leave your anti-germ force field of seatedness.
10. Walk past 40 unmasked restaurant patrons. Open bathroom with same door knob grabbed by 100 other people so far today.
11. Return to table past same 40 unmasked restaurant patrons.
12. Remove mask. Once again safe in your anti-germ force field of seatedness. Waitress takes your sweaty drink glass with her bare hand, refills, hands back to you. You accept with your bare hand. Grab some bread and eat it. Same hand. Yum Yum.
13. Meal complete. Mask on. Walk past 40 unmasked patrons. Make full body contact with at least 4 people waiting at the hostess stand as you squeeze your way back to the door - no matter, they're all also wearing their magical anti-germ barriers.
14. Grab exit handle, which you are now the 220th person of the day to touch. Eating out successful.
15. Breathe a sigh of relief knowing that even after leaving the protection of your home and venturing out into the scary world of the public, you are essentially sterile thanks to your state approved methods of magical germ mitigation.






[Post edited by buffhooper at 10/07/2020 10:03AM]

Posted: 10/07/2020 at 10:01AM



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Current Thread:
  Did he really say that? -- buffhooper 10/07/2020 11:22AM
  Yessee below. -- 93Buff 10/07/2020 11:26AM
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